How can I get mentoring?
If you are even contemplating how to get mentoring – CONGRATULATIONS – it is so important to advocate for yourself and understand that everyone needs help.
One of our Ceresa mentees, who is in his late 40s, in a director role at a large fashion retailer, told us “I didn’t realize I could ask for help before”. We were so happy to support him, but also realized how many people – and sadly especially those from under-represented backgrounds – feel they have to ‘figure it out’ alone.
Richard Branson said “If you ask any successful businessperson, they will always say they had a great mentor at some point along the road.”
Indra Nooyi said “If I hadn’t had mentors, I wouldn’t be here today.”
So how can you think about seeking out good mentoring?
Advocate for yourself. Many companies offer mentoring programs internally, so think about putting yourself forward for those or asking what it takes to participate.. don’t just wait for it come to you. But remember – you still have to be pro-active to get value out of any mentoring.
Know your goals. To find your own mentor, the first thing is to figure out your aspirations and goals. Spend some time reflecting on what you are trying to achieve over the next 5 years, and what your near term goals are. Talk to a friend, family member, or colleague – and get crisp on what you are aiming towards. Only then can you consider what the ideal mentor would look like for you!
Identifying a mentor. Once you have a good sense of your goals, think about what kind of person would have relevant experiences. Mentors are not coaches or sponsors or teachers – the unique thing a mentor can do is share their own life experiences to help expand your perspective and fast track your own learning. So what are the professional or life experiences that would be most relevant to you? Map out your own network. Colleagues at work. Friends and family. Maybe people you went to college or school with. If there is no one in your own network, select 3-4 people to reach out to and ask if they know anyone who would have relevant experience to share. Worst case, you can reach out to someone cold on LinkedIn or through a letter – but it is always best to get a warm introduction if you can.
Asking for mentoring. Often the hardest part is ASKING someone to mentor you. I have heard many people express frustration when they asked a senior person to mentor them and that person said they didn’t have the time. Put yourself in the shoes of a C-level woman executive. She is asked multiple times a week to mentor. She has a family, a demanding professional career, and is trying to find time for herself too. So a cold ask “to mentor me” feels vague, demanding, and very challenging to say yes to. A few tips on how to ask for mentoring…
Be as specific as possible on the ask. Not all mentoring has to be a lifelong commitment. Ask if they could carve out 1 hour to chat with you. If that goes well, you can build on that. Make it easy for them – at a convenient time or location for them.
Make clear what research you have done already – what your own goals are, why you think you could learn from them (flattery always helps), and what your specific questions are. That makes it clear that it will be a highly impactful use of time – not one of those awkward coffee shop meetings we’ve all been part of.
A great alternative, especially when you don’t know someone – is to start by asking how you can help them. Is there a small project you could volunteer your time towards in the meantime? That can be a great way to get to know someone, and reciprocity is a powerful tool in building effective networks.
Maximize impact. Finally – how can you ensure to get the most out of mentoring? Whether it is a formal program or a mentor you find yourself.
Always spend reflecting on your goals and questions. Send questions or an agenda ahead of time for EVERY SESSION you have with a mentor.
Be super curious and ask lots of questions about your mentors’ experiences, lessons, and how they have approached similar situations.
Don’t expect answers – you must make your own choices – no one has the full context of your life or has to live with the consequences.
Nurture the relationship – send thank you notes after each session and consider how you can continue to share your journey with your mentor, and the impact they have on you, even after active mentoring ends.
And remember reciprocity – always ask what you can do to help them in return.
At Ceresa all of our mentors participate on a volunteer basis because they love giving back – and love that their mentees are so prepared, intentional, and pro-active.
So while it might feel like you are asking for a favor, remember that nearly all leaders LOVE to give back and share their own stories.
So you are not being a burden. Chances are – they had their own mentors – that is how they got where they are!